Comment Wall

Thank you in advance for the feedback! 

 Japanese's Spooky Yurei

Suushi Yurei at Flickr


  1. Hi Tony!
    I love learning about Japanese culture, traditions, and stories. So I am really excited to be reading your story book!
    I was intrigued when you began referencing a real place and events that happened in Tokyo for your story. You did a great job quickly switching over to the ancient story aspects of the Japanese such as the Yurei which sets the stage for the later bits. But also gives the reader insights on valuable knowledge needed to understand the stories.
    The detail that some might consider gruesome is very much appropriate for describing each Onryo. The mini stories gives a small insight to the reader about the aspects of being or seeing the different spirits. My favorite of the three is the Kuchisake-onna, or slit mouthed joker. I wonder if the creator of the Joker perhaps got the idea from this legend. It would be mortifying to have this spirit ask you if she was pretty, to know that either answer is a bad answer and there is no way around it.

  2. Happy Friday Tony!
    Like DK above me, I love Japanese culture and stories. so I was a fan before I even began reading the introduction - and I remained a fan after reading it as well. The onryo you described all sound pretty terrible and frightening. I like how Kuchisake-onna has so many different variations to the origins of her misfortune (the one about the bad smelling dental products is almost laughable for a traumatic event...)
    The artwork that goes along with the nukekubi, not to mention the other two as well, along with your descriptions does great to help me depict these monsters we're talking about. However, there was one thing that you brought up when describing the nukekubi - you mentioned the "Rokurokubi" - which I didn't see explained anywhere else, and I'm not quite that familiar with this term. Maybe it would clear things up for others like me to briefly explain this?
    Overall great introduction and I'm intrigued to hear more stories about yokai.

  3. Howdy Tony!

    I'm a big fan of American cryptids so I was already really interested when I clicked through to your homepage from the project randomizer, and your intro did not disappoint. These Japanese legends are definitely a lot scarier than Bigfoot or the Jersey Devil! I think my favorite was probably the Nukekubi. It's scary, but at the same time there is something comical about it. If I was being chased down by a floating head I wouldn't know whether to scream or to laugh. I'd probably do a bit of both if we're being honest.

    Out of curiosity I looked up the "Yokai Street" in Kyoto you talk about, and I gotta say, it's really cool! I think it sounds like a great setting for your stories, which sort of leads me to my one question. You've done a superb job explaining what your stories are going to be about, and that leaves me really wanting to know how you're planning on telling your stories. I think your introduction would really benefit from a couple sentences elaborating on the way you're going to be relaying the tales of these terrifying onryo. Beyond that, I can't think of a single thing I'd change about your intro. Great work!

  4. Hi Tony!
    I first want to say that I love the look of your storybook and how you included many different pictures throughout your introduction. The pictures really help to visualize the stories that you are telling in the introduction. One thing that I recommend is centering the pictures and the paragraphs after them. With the first paragraph being centered and the rest on the left side, it seems to make the flow of the whole page different. I am really excited to keep up with your storybook though. I have never heard about yokai and am intrigued to read about it from you. Out of the three stories you mentioned I was more drawn to the Kuchisake-onna. It is cool that there are many different versions of her origins. Is there any version that people believe to be the truth or are they all just accepted? Great introduction overall!

  5. Hi Tony,
    I love the concept for your storybook already! I was a huge fan of urban legends as a kid (even though I was an easily frightened child) and I especially loved the Japanese ones. I think I was drawn to them because the stories like Teke-Teke or the Slit-Mouthed Woman told of a way you could escape them (at least in the versions I read). It made the stories feel more real, as if someone had escaped them and was telling how they had done so. I think out of the three you have, I have always found Teke-Teke the creepiest. The name coming from the sound she makes as she crawls toward you; I can picture hearing it while alone on the dark streets at night. Teke...teke...teke. Are you going to tell stories of their origins, or just of people encountering them? I think either would be entertaining, though you would have to go into more detail to make up for the origin already being in the introduction. I am excited to see where you go with this. The one issue I have is that the comment wall link has a small font and is close to the title, so it is a little hard to find right off the bat. That is a small issue though, and it may only affect me, so do not feel obligated to change it if you prefer it like that.

  6. Hi Tony!
    Hearing about Japanese culture through these stories is very interesting! The only thing I can think of changing is some of the tenses in your first paragraph are past tense and some are present. The descriptions of the different kinds of Onryo definitely added a lot to the introduction. I like stories about urban legends, and these Japanese stories about Onryo definitely fit that bill. I think encountering any of them would be terrifying, but the most scary to me is definitely the Nukekubi. I think that encountering a flying head would be absolutely baffling, on top of being completely terrifying! As for the Kuchisake-onna, if a woman asks you if she is pretty, do you just run away? Like, don’t even answer, just take off immediately just in case. I think the story of the Teke-Teke is the most gruesome. If one of those is chasing you, can you climb something and get away that way? I really enjoyed your storybook, Tony!

  7. Hey Tony,
    I really like how your whole storybook is set up and the look of it. The comment wall link under the title is subtle and a good place to put it. Your introduction page is creative as well. Setting up your three images and telling their stories right under them was clever. All of the images you chose for your storybook are fitting for the story.
    Your introduction was intriguing to read. I appreciate how descriptive you were in your writing. You were very detailed, and I could picture all of the graphics throughout your story. The background information was very helpful for understanding your story. Explaining who each character was and their story was also helpful. As I read, I was imagining each character in my head with all of the vivid details gave to each one. Your story was well written, and I am excited to see where your story leads to next and all that follows it.

  8. Hey Tony! I really love the aesthetic of your storybook and think you did a great job finding images that demonstrate the scary and grotesque nature of the onryo. I'm honestly a little nervous to read the stories you end up writing because I'm too much of a baby when it comes to horror! Your introduction did a great job of describing in detail the different yurei that your stories will revolve around. Maybe at the end of the intro you can explain a little more about how these onryo will be incorporated into your versions of the stories. Or just have a line at the end segueing into the actual storybook. But overall, I think you've done great so far and I'm still excited to see what you write even if it may be a little too scary for me!

  9. Hello Tony!
    What inspired you to do stories of yurei? I’ve always been really fascinated by the culture of yurei in Japan, which are kind of like ghost stories on crack. You gave a really good brief introduction to the basics of the Japanese spiritual world. One suggestion I would make is to have a bit more of a segue before moving on to describing the stories of the three yurei. The background of those three yurei is really informative and brief! I like how you told of the several possible origins of these characters, as is often common with urban legends. I’m curious to see how these characters will play into your stories.

  10. Hi Tony!
    I have been a fan of the supernatural since I was young. I have always liked stories about cursed objects and angry spirits who have yet to move on. I wish I studied more about Japanese lore but your introduction has me excited to read more about it. I love horror stories. So, I am excited to read about the Onryo and Yokai. The images you used on your introduction post drew me in. I like that you gave a description for the images and how they came to be. I am curious to see how your characters will become spirits of the dead. Will you have anything tied to a cursed object? I am excited to read your stories. I love a good horror read!

  11. Hey Tony,
    First off I want to say wow I really enjoy the aesthetic of your storybook, the look and theme overall are very visually pleasing. Your story was great as well I found each part very enticing and it definitely has a scary or grotesques tone. I wonder when you continue this storybook how you will follow up from the story you have written. Will you backpack directly off this story or just stick with the Japanese urban legends in general? What if also you added some information about the original story from which this one derived. It is always good to put that information in the authors note and give a little background of the original story. Also, what if when you tell more stories about Yurei they all fit the horror theme, will you continue that or look to change the tone? Overall, your storybook looks really nice, keep up the great work!

  12. Hi Tony!
    I'm so excited to read your stories! I love ghost stories, and somehow I just noticed what your storybook was about. I just finished reading your introduction, and the descriptions of the each Yurei were chilling. I have heard about these types of spirits, but I haven't done much reading about them. I must say that I really like your site layout, I think the image of the street paints a perfect picture for the stories you're set to tell. It looks great, and I'm so excited to read more from you!

  13. Hi Tony,
    I think just your introduction is so intriguing! Your descriptions of how inanimate objects can be inhabited by spirits or negative engird is so interesting to me. I had never really thought about this topic as feasible, but the fact that this is an actual term that can describe the spirits of the dead is interesting. There is a whole culture about this, if there is no proper burial and then the spirits can run wild. I think this is interesting because in Native American culture, there is a very similar idea where if the remains are taken off of the land, the spirits are not yet able to rest. I think it is so cool that you chose this specific storybook! I had never thought there were so many types of spirits such as these!

  14. Howdy Tony!
    I just read through your first story and I really enjoyed it! I think your choice to present your stories in the form of a police report is both really bold and really pays off. I'd love to see what it looks like when you go back to revise and and add pictures (I think a bit of creative formatting and the right font choice could do a lot for the visual appeal of the page). When it comes to the actual content of your story, I can't think of anything I would do different. Your word choice and imagery paint an extremely vivid (and spooky) picture without taking away from the police report aesthetic. Your work is always great and I can't wait to come back and read more of it!

  15. Hello again Tony!
    I just finished your first story and I really enjoyed it! Back when I read your introduction, I was curios about what kind of story you were going to write about the Onryo. Your choice to write your story from the view of the homeless man Yuru and a police report is a great idea. I wasn't expecting that and it added an extra creepy element. It felt like I was reading something from Law and Order but with supernatural elements. The image you used of a dark street without traffic added a great visual to the story. Is that a picture Yokai street at night? The description of the murder and how the victim was sliced was detailed. Your imagery and descriptions has elements of good scary writing that I love. I am excited to read more of your stories.

  16. Hi Tony!
    I honestly stay away from stories like this – anything having to do with horror or killings FREAKS me out, so it's kind of shocking to me that I voluntarily read your storybook haha (nothing against you, I'm just a baby when it comes to this). But, the topic that you've chosen to focus on is super intriguing. I had never heard of this street or legend before until I read through your introduction and first story. I really liked your introduction! It was very informative and intriguing and made for a good seamless transition into your first story. I liked how your first story came from an outside perspective of a person telling it like they were there. Also adding in a police report was a unique way to tell a story that perfectly went along with your theme! Good first story, and I will be coming back to read your others!

  17. Hi Tony!
    Well, you terrified me! Great job! Your story was very well written. Writing it through eyewitness statements was a good idea. It made it scarier, I think. The Kuchisake-onna existing because a dentist used something that smelled bad would not have worked as well, I agree. You mentioned in your author’s note that you changed it to her going to an unlicensed practitioner. That makes more sense and is also scarier. Your images were also very good! Including the image of the school uniform that Akina was wearing was extremely haunting. You also mentioned in your author’s note that you were going to tell the next stories in a different way. What are you planning on doing for those? I think that writing your first story like it was a crime documentary or something like it was a great idea. It made it easier to get drawn in. Great job!

  18. Hi Tony,
    I am so glad I remembered to come back to your storybook. It did not disappoint. I especially love the style of a news report that the first story has. I actually used to participate in forensic science competitions in high school, so I am well-versed in autopsy reports (usually older ones from cases from the 80s or so). Your use of terminology is decent, especially if it is meant to be an excerpt included in a newspaper or something. If you want it to look more like we are reading the actual autopsy report, you could include more detail, such as estimated time of death, depth of lacerations (in centimeters or millimeters), liver temperature, swabs under the nails for the assailant’s skin cells, etc. It seems hard to believe that she would die of blood loss from just the laceration on her face, maybe it slashed into her neck as well? The carotid artery is just under the chin, maybe the lacerations severed it?

  19. Hi Tony!
    Well you managed to creep me out with the first two stories in your Storybook project, and that pattern held true for the third story. I read this when it was dark outside and I really managed to scare myself! The detail you included about the girls legs bending the wrong way was absolutely terrifying. The handprints on the snow detail was also really well done and really scary. Great idea! I have read all three of the stories for your Storybook project, and I have enjoyed them all. You have done a great job! The images you included really added something extra to the stories, and made them all the more haunting. I especially like the uniform in the second story. I also like the winter’s night picture in the third story. It gives off a slightly menacing vibe to me, although I may just be getting that from the story itself. Great job!

  20. I like how all your stories are tied into this bigger overall narrative! Having all these events taking place at Yokai Street is such a great idea. I've heard of the Teke Teke before (I think there was a game made about it), but the others I have never seen. You did a great job adding a creepiness factor to your stories! I definitely have goosebumps just thinking about the Teke Teke story. The Nukekubi story was really good too. I like the moral dilemma you gave with it. The protagonist didn't ask to be a blood-sucking monster, but she has to do it to survive due to her curse. Is that wrong of her?

    This is definitely my favorite storybook I've read this semester, and there were some really good ones!

  21. Hey Tony,

    I really like your portfolio. I have always intrigue with the Japanese culture. I want to say that this is like the first time I have read a Japanese ghost stories and it gives me a feeling that the history of any of the ghost stories in Japanese still linger around until this day. I feel like every where in Japan have some sort of tradition and long history of stories tie to them. I read your Teke-Teke stories and it definitely scares me a bit as I was reading it at 3AM. I think you did a really good job tie all aspects of the story together. The history and the current situation of a young man working day long to make living. All the pictures and visual description allow me as a reader to put together a picture and it definitely would freak me out if I were in his situation. I would not be able to stay calm like the character did. Great story and I love it!


Post a Comment

Popular Posts